The Overwhelmed Challenge - Lesson 2 - Dealing with Critical People

In the late summer and early fall of 2014 the adult bible study group did a study titled "The Overwhelmed Challenge".  It was the prelude to a much longer study, "Overwhelmed: Winning the War Against Worry". This is the second of the five lessons to that study. If you liked the first study they you will enjoy this one because it was the reason that we did the more detailed study. I recommend that you get the book prompted me to do these two studies, Overwhelmed: Winning the War Against Worry by Noble Perry. You can get it at Amazon by clicking this Link or the image of the book at the end of this post.

Unfinished Business From Last Week

Last week we ended with the question does God punish? We agreed, I think, that God does discipline

Job 5:17-18 (HCSB) 17 See how happy the man is God corrects; so do not reject the discipline of the Almighty. 18 For He crushes but also binds up; He strikes, but His hands also heal.

1 Corinthians 11:32 (HCSB) but when we are judged, we are disciplined by the Lord, so that we may not be condemned with the world.

Hebrews 12:5-8 (HCSB) 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or faint when you are reproved by Him, 6 for the Lord disciplines the one He loves and punishes every son He receives. 7 Endure ⌊sufferin⌋ as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

But does He punish. In the case of believers I say no unless you see discipline as punishment. I see it as consequence of sin. But, and I think you will agree with me that the bible says that the punishment of sin is death right? Well if you agree with that then what did Jesus’ death accomplish? We believe that he took that punishment for us, the believer. Yes non-believers will receive the punishment for sin but not believers.

Introduction to This Week's Lesson

Last week in our study we discussed our foundation.

Romans 8:28 (HCSB) ²⁸  We know that all things work together for the good of those who love

God: those who are called according to His purpose. 

We concluded that those all things working for good are conforming us to Jesus.   So when we face overwhelming situations and stress we should look at God and not the situation. We passed out a list of things Pastor Perry reminds himself of about God when he becomes overwhelmed, and Michelle shared her Gratitude Diary.

Dealing with critical people

All of us deal with criticism in our lives. And it’s typically given to us without us asking for it. Perhaps it’s a co-worker, a neighbor or maybe even your mother-in-law who is always willing to give

you their unwelcomed opinion.

Jesus dealt with criticism

Matthew 15:1-2 (HCSB) ¹  Then Pharisees and scribes came from Jerusalem to Jesus and asked,
²  “Why do Your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they don’t wash their hands when they eat!”

Matthew 12:1-2 (HCSB) ¹  At that time Jesus passed through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry and began to pick and eat some heads of grain. ²  But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, “Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!”

Luke 6:6-11 (HCSB) ⁶  On another Sabbath He entered the synagogue and was teaching. A man was there whose right hand was paralyzed. ⁷  The scribes and Pharisees were watching Him closely, to see if He would heal on the Sabbath, so that they could find a charge against Him. 

⁸  But He knew their thoughts and told the man with the paralyzed hand, “Get up and stand here.” So he got up and stood there. ⁹  Then Jesus said to them, “I ask you: Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do what is good or to do what is evil, to save life or to destroy it?” ¹⁰  After looking around at them all, He told him, “Stretch out your hand.” He did so, and his hand was restored. ¹¹  They, however, were filled with rage and started discussing with one another what they might do to Jesus.

Mark 3:1-6 (HCSB) ¹  Now He entered the synagogue again, and a man was there who had a paralyzed hand. ²  In order to accuse Him, they were watching Him closely to see whether He would heal him on the Sabbath. ³  He told the man with the paralyzed hand, “Stand before us.”
⁴  Then He said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do what is good or to do what is evil, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. ⁵  After looking around at them with anger and sorrow at the hardness of their hearts, He told the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out, and his hand was restored. ⁶  Immediately the Pharisees went out and started plotting with the Herodians against Him, how they might destroy Him.

The Apostle Paul dealt with lots of criticism  (we have talked about this in our studies in Colossians, and in both 1 and 2 Corinthians). 

We are not exempt.    Sometimes these cynical remarks are discouraging. They can cause us to doubt ourselves and create unnecessary worry in our lives. So whenever criticism starts coming your way ask yourself some questions.

1 - How Well Does This Person Know Me?

One of the things that we have to learn is that just because someone has an opinion about something does not make them an expert.

You need to understand WHO is doing the criticizing. People will often act before they think and make snap judgments on your character or actions based on one line you said in passing, when in actuality, they don’t know the background of your story or the reasoning in which you made that decision.

These are the people that we can’t take the time to listen to. Chances are, you probably don’t have time to try to convince them you’re a good person and explain your intentions and even if you had the time it wouldn't help.

BUT, you can (and should) listen to those closest to you. These are the people whose encouragement and rebuke you welcome.  You’ve got to have people around you who are willing to tell you the truth.

2 - What Attitude Does The Person Criticizing Have?

If someone comes at you with a negative, condemning attitude, write it off. The Bible says that we are called to speak the truth, but we are called to do so in love.

Ephesians 4:15 (HCSB)  But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head—Christ. 

Be wary when people come to you and the first thing that they say is "I'm telling you this in love".  If they are people that you know love you then they wouldn't need to preface their comment.   Remember what I said in the first question that you should ask yourself.

3 - Does What The Person Is Saying Pass Through The Filter Of Scripture?

Scripture in context is something we should all listen to.   Here's and example that Pastor Perry gave;

For example, a few weeks ago, a friend and I had some differences and I did not speak to this person for several days. Things were tense because we work around one another. She confronted me on this and said, “The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26 that we are not supposed to let the sun go down on us while we are angry…I would say you have done that.” I was busted—she was right. She had confronted me with a non-judgmental attitude and used Scripture in context, and I repented because I was wrong.

4 - Is This Criticism Personal Or Shared By Others?

Sometimes after something goes seemingly well (a successful presentation at work, the home completely in order when you get home, your kids were perfect at that restaurant with friends), you get praised and complemented by many. But often you will get ONE negative comment from someone, and ignore the positive comments, focusing on that one negative remark! And this negative remark probably isn’t even true! We cannot allow ourselves to dwell on that negative comment.

5 - Is This Worth My Time?

I used to try and fight every single ounce of criticism that came my way…and I realized I just can’t.

Now, there are some things that are worth my time, and I do address those. But often times, I am NOT going to change the person’s mind and “friendly debate” is out of the question, so it’s best to just move on.

In the end, we all have good things in our lives we need to focus on. The best thing being Jesus.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (HCSB) ¹⁶  Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷  For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. ¹⁸  So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

So don’t spend your time fighting the critics, spend your time focusing on Jesus and the blessings He has given to all of us. He is the one we will spend eternity with in heaven, and His opinion is the only one that really matters.