Colossians 1:10-12 NIV so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.
Never give yourself permission to hide behind grace as a cover for disobedience.
We can choose
Make the right choice
Romans 6:19-21 NIV I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
Next focus on the benefits of our current position in grace.
Romans 6:22-23 NIV But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
• Because of God’s grace we are freed from sin’s mastery.
• By God’s grace we are enslaved to God.
• Through God’s grace there are benefits to be derived.
What are the benefits?
an exciting process of growing up and maturing as a Christian;
a guilt-free lifestyle characterized by creativity and freedom;
and finally, enjoying the outcome—eternal life.
The alternative is a sinful lifestyle that results in “death wages.” Those wages are:
• Instant breakdown of fellowship with God
• Removal of His hand of blessing
• Misery of a guilty conscience. . . knowing how much others were hurt
• Loss of personal integrity
• Sudden stoppage of spiritual growth
• Strained relationships with fellow Christians
• Reproach brought to one’s family and to the name of Christ
• Injury to the testimony of your local church
Grace invites you to return and find forgiveness, but it doesn’t automatically erase the scars that accompany sin; some could stay with you for life.
Grace means I will not force or manipulate or judge or attempt to control you, nor should you do those things to me. It means we will keep on helping others to freedom by providing breathing holes. It means we deliberately let go so each of us can grow and learn on our own; otherwise, we shall never enjoy the liberty of an open sea. For most of us, letting others go is neither natural nor easy. Because we care, it is more our tendency to give people hints or advice. The thought of letting them fail or fall is extremely painful to us, but God treats us like that virtually every day of our lives.
Being a person of grace requires letting go of others.
LETTING GO
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. 1st
To let go is to fear less and love more!
The Grace to Let Others Be
TWO DIMENSIONS: vertical and horizontal.
Vertical grace centers on our relationship with God. It is amazing. It frees us from the demands and condemnation of the Mosaic Law. It announces hope to the sinner—the gift of eternal life, along with all its benefits.
Horizontal grace centers on our human relationships. It's charming. It frees us from the tyranny of pleasing people and adjusting our lives to the demands and expectations of human opinion. It gives relief—the enjoyment of freedom along with all its benefits. It silences needless guilt and removes self-imposed shame.
Two probing questions.
1. Do you add to others’ guilt or do you lessen it?
2. Are you the type who encourages another’s liberty or restrains it?
The answer to both have to do with attitude. Our attitude is crucial in determining if we are grace givers or grace killers.
Are we the kind of people that lets others be whoever and whatever God is leading them to be.
TWO STRONG TENDENCIES THAT NULLIFY GRACE
Romans 12:9-19 NIV Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Why don't we do these things all the time when interacting with our fellow believers?
Most of us fall short when it comes to letting others be, because of two strong and very human tendencies: We compare ourselves with others (which leads us to criticize or compete with them), and we attempt to control others (which results in our manipulating or intimidating them).
To Compare
Christians, in general like sameness, predictability, common interests. If someone thinks differently or makes different choices than we do, prefers different entertainment, wears different clothing, has different tastes and opinions, or enjoys a different style of life, most Christians get nervous.
We place far too much weight on externals and the importance of appearances and not nearly enough on individuality and variety. We have “acceptable norms” and heaven help the poor soul who steps beyond those bounds!
The problem is we compare external things, things we can see a d touch. We compare incomes, jobs, marital status, children, cars, houses, etc.
Why can’t a person be spiritual and enjoy expressions of music or art totally different from those you like? Who says it is carnal to have nice things or enjoy a few extravagant luxuries, especially if one's generosity is also extravagant? Why can’t people drive any car they can afford or vacation anywhere they please or live in whatever size home they enjoy or wear whatever clothing they prefer? Just because you or I can’t or don’t choose to or would prefer not to doesn’t mean others can’t or shouldn’t. Comparison fuels the fire of envy with people. It prompts the tendency to judge . . . it makes us prejudiced. The worst part of all is that grace. It was never God’s intention for all His children to look alike or embrace identical lifestyles. Look at the natural world Hè created. What variety! The buzzard and the butterfly . . . the dog and the deer. . . the zinnia and the orchid . . . the wriggling minnow and the sleek shark.
The church is not a religious industry designed to turn out mass-produced reproductions on an assembly line. Take a look at the variety of people in the Bible. Look at Rahab and Esther, one a former prostitute and the other a queen. Look at Amos and Stephen, fig picker turned prophet and deacon who became a martyr. Variety honors God.
God has made each one of us as we are. He is hard at work shaping us into the image He has in mind. His only pattern (for character) is His Son. He wants each one of us to be unique . . . an individual blend and expression unlike any other person. That is by His design. There is only one you. There is only one me.
Before we will be able to demonstrate sufficient grace to let others be, we’ll have to get rid of this legalistic tendency to compare. Legalism requires that we all be alike, unified in convictions and uniform in appearance. Grace finds pleasure in in difference, encourages individuality, smiles on variety, and leaves plenty of room for disagreement.
To Control
Those of us who find security in religious rigidity, legalist have a tendency to want to control others. They use fear tactics, veiled threats, and oblique hints to get their way. Most often, controllers are insecure in themselves and do not know the first principle of being free, so naturally they are uneasy with your or my being free. They try to intimate you. controlling, like comparing, nullifies grace.
FOUR BIBLICAL GUIDELINES THAT MAGNIFY GRACE
Guideline 1: Accepting others is basic to letting them be.
Guideline 2: Refusing to dictate to others allows the Lord freedom to direct their lives.
Guideline 3: Freeing others means we never assume a position we’re not qualified to fill.
Guideline 4: Loving others requires us to express our liberty wisely.
Accepting others is basic to letting them be.
Romans 14:1-4 NIV Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.
We often condition our acceptance and love on whether a brother or sister agrees with us especially on those taboos of the legalist.
FOUR BIBLICAL GUIDELINES THAT RELEASE OTHERS TO GROW UNDER GRACE
Romans 14:1-4 NLT Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval.
Guideline 1: Accepting others is basic to letting them be. The absence of judgment makes room for an acceptance motivated by love. We tend to turn the fire on high when we’re not comfortable with a fellow believer’s choices. Consider the following hot topics:
• How about those in our life who may disagree with us on issues that are taboos in evangelical Christian circles today? Here are a few:
• Going to the movies or live theater
• Wearing cosmetics
• Playing cards
• Watching television
• Going to the beach
• Not having a “quiet time” every morning or at least every day
• Going to a restaurant that sells liquor
• Wearing certain clothing
• Driving certain cars
• Wearing certain jewelry
• Listening to certain music
• Dancing . . . square, ballroom, disco—whatever
• Holding a certain job
• Wearing your hair a certain way (assuming you have hair)
• Having lovely and elegant possessions
• Getting a face-lift
• Drinking coffee
• Eating certain foods
• Working out in leotards
In various areas of our country or the world some or all of these things may be taboo, and if you cross that boundary, may God help you continue on in the church you’re attending. Someone will probably say something. If not, you will be pounced upon by looks and reactionary treatment, revealing attitudes that lack grace.
The two most common reactions to such conflicts.
Romans 14:3 NLT Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them.
That is the normal response of those who feel the freedom to do whatever toward those who are more restrictive and rigged is to look down on them.
The second reaction Paul mentions is that of the other side don’t condemn or judge. No matter how strongly you may feel about a certain taboo, judging another who may disagree with you is going too far.
Romans 14:4 NLT Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval.
When we truly accept another person, we remember that the Lord is perfectly capable of directing his or her life. That relieves us from having to be his or her conscience. It’s our job to accept others; it's God's job to direct them.
Here's what acceptance looks like:
Acceptance means you are valuable just as you are. It allows you to be the real you. You aren’t forced into someone else’s idea of who you really are. It means your ideasare taken seriously since they reflect you. You can talk about how you feel inside and why you feel that way—and someone really cares.
Acceptance means you can try out your ideas without being shot down. You can even express heretical thoughts and discuss them with intelligent questioning. You feelsafe. No one will pronounce judgment on you, even though they don’t agree with you. It doesn’t mean you will never be corrected or shown to be wrong; it simply means it's safe to be you and no one will destroy you out of prejudice.
Acceptance is basic to letting others be.
Romans 14:5-8 NLT In the same way, some think one day is more holy than another day, while others think every day is alike. You should each be fully convinced that whichever day you choose is acceptable. Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. For we don’t live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
Guideline 2: Refusing to dictate to others allows the Lord freedom to direct their lives.
Give people room to make up their minds. Let them grow up differently. Let them learn at their own pace, just as you had to learn, including failures and mistakes. Be easier on them than others were on you. Don’t make up their minds . . . let them! Don’t step in and push your weight around . . . give them plenty of space. Whatever you do, don’t control and manipulate them to get what you want.
Nothing catches the attention of the unsaved world quicker than those times when we Christians beat up on one another.
Here's a reminder
Romans 14:8 NLT If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
Each one of us belongsto the same Lord. When we stop dictating, it is easier for others to mature as they follow the Lord’s directing.
Romans 14:9-12 NLT Christ died and rose again for this very purpose—to be Lord both of the living and of the dead. So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For the Scriptures say, “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bend to me, and every tongue will declare allegiance to God.’” Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God.
